High on the hog

This house has two big dogs… and one big chubby pig! Do you know how hard it was to get this shot? First off the pig seldom lies in the driveway! Also the Bouvier dog, behind the pig, is usually up and snarling and attacking! I’ve been past this house a million times and still it barks at me, aggro hound….
The sign on the gate says, “Trespassers will be eaten!”
I’m not sure if that’s by the dogs, the pig or the owners themselves….

Keep on truckin'!

These trucks often come down our roads, carry huge bits of gosh knows what, heading for gosh knows where. When they’re this big the traffic on both sides of the road has to pull right off onto the pavement to let them go by. They often have a police escort who seem to take great pleasure in chasing the cars off the road! Like hyperactive sheep dogs before the farmer shoots them!

This is not so fun for pedestrians though, as cars pulling off the road seem to forget that we were there first! If I was a driver I’d watch out for pedestrians and never ride over them!! Can you imagine the pain it would be to have to clear bits of ped. out of your fender if you did?

Those ghastly dead eyes!

The monkey and the coat hangers! Sounds like the title of a very cheesy detective series doesn’t it? Or perhaps a pervy erotica story? These metallic creatures are sold by the robots all about Joburg. They’re basically rust held together by varnish and hope and bring much joy and tetanus to the folks who buy them.

The seller of these branched out recently and has started selling coloured coat hangers as well. I must say they look very pretty strung up together. At one point he used to put the coat hangers right in the middle of the pathway, but I used to just mow them down walking. The traffic there is just too thick to step into so as not to disturb the delicate balance of brightly coloured plastic wear!

p.s. Don’t you find the monkey creepy looking? Those empty eyes!! If I woke up and found one on top of me trying to suck my soul out I really wouldn’t be that surprised!!

Flagged down

It’s almost world cup time and the hawkers have put away their tennis balls, car shades and cheap watches and have flooded the sidewalks with flags for sale. Sometimes it can look rather pretty with all of them fluttering about merrily. Sadly the cars that get them placed in windows and antenna just tend to look tacky. But each to his own… bad taste.

The Sea's bounty?

Okay I’ll admit there are a lot of interesting things that wash up on the beach but some just make you go EUW!!! I left those on the beach for some other “lucky” person to find and, oh lordy, use!

All a flutter?

Ursh takes to the skies! I got her the experience as a Christmas gift and she took to it like a duck does to bread crumbs! Would you go up in one of those?

Just plain daft, I presume?

The many faces of Jo! Or hairstyles should I say! Yes, yes I’ve experimented waaaay too much but it was an interesting (occasionally horrifying) experience!

A. See? I’d make a terrible Dolly Parton! Blonde, even in wig form, does not suit me!

B. This is me natural hair colour but shaved to the bone. Sigh, it looks bad but it’s so easy to keep up! The eternal struggle between looks and comfort, will I ever decide? *epic music plays in background*

C. When I dye my hair red it tends to be REALLY red! I’ve had clowns cross the street in embarrassment when they see my flowing neon locks! (Well neon tuft really…)

D. Red head and shaved. I look like someone who should have the title, Dr. Mouse, I presume?

E. My natural hair colour! A sort of browny-blondey buggery knows whaty!

F. Pink hair! Mind the pic isn’t too good but you get the general idea! And my, so many tattoos! ^_^ (25 to be exact and Ta for asking!)

G. Me copper blonde. This is my intermediate phase between E and C or F!

H. The longest I’ve ever had my hair in ages! What a mess! It never plays fair! When I went walking with my glasses on people were always, “Hey you look like Harry Potter!!” Needless to say I haven’t dyed my hair black in a while…

frost bites?

As winter sets in so does the frost and strange little frost flowers begin to emerge! These ice flowers grow only on the long grasses near our driveway. I have no idea why they form into such perfect looking little clusters but you have to admit they’re really pretty! I wonder what they would taste like? (I’m just wondering! Doesn’t mean I’m going chomping my way through the field!!)

Hoofing it

People have a lot of set ideas on what’s art and what isn’t and my fantasy art often falls into the “what isn’t” category. People like pictures of flowers or landscapes or a swirly mess on the canvas made by the artist painting it with his own poop. People aren’t big on fantasy. People...are boring!! This is one of my fav paintings though brilliant it isn’t. I just like the cheeky little face! I think art is what makes you happy, the rest can be gotten over.

Infestation

This is a close up of one of the many many little spiders webs you see in the grass outside every day. The grass is full of tons of them, often less then 15cm apart! That’s a lot of spider webs! And considering each is made by one spider, that’s A LOT of spiders!! ~Whimper~

A foreshadowing of menace?

This pic was taken at 3am in the morning. The little tuft of hair on my head just begged to be recorded for prosperity. It also tells you a bit about me in that even though I'm tired and want to be back in my bed NOW, I could still stop and take this daft photo!

The Paper Wasp Dash

I was always fascinated by these as a kid. To think a bunch of wasps made a funny looking nest like this? As a wee kiddo I was often very brave, picking them up even though there was a chance there might still be wasps in them. Mind you the few times there were wasps, I dropped that thing and ran shrieking like the little girl I was!!

The micro-wave, toast transducer module

What the heck is this? No really! I walk past it everyday. A strange looking, webby-wired antenna sticking out of a regular looking home. Is it for satellite reception? To get better radio coverage? To spy on aliens? < - - suspect that last one...
Any ideas?

Melon - No ma?

I love eating ginormous chunks of watermelon, DELICIOUS! But this one time I was happily scooping it out with my tiny spoon when I looked down and thought, man that looks like a monkey’s skull that’s just had the flesh removed from it! (Like I’ve seen tons of those in my life...). Isn’t that a gruesome thought? I still ate it though. And it was still yummy.

Red Alert!

This is one of my leg tattoos two days after it was done. My legs don’t take injuries well (actual injuries, tattoos and even mosquito bites) due to the pressure put on them by my daily walks. (5 hours a day of speedy walking does that.) All the blood vessels burst and my skin becomes swollen and just this side of uncomfortable!! It clears up after a few days, though it usually ends up looking like rotten meat on the last few. Bet you wish I’d taken a photo of that? Euw.

Kite Rider

This is an Ursh-eye-view of what it’s like to fly a stunt kite! She can make that flappy plastic do the most entertaining ducks, dives, whirls, figure 8’s and more! For her it’s a great pleasure to be told to go fly a kite!

Watching you! Always watching...

We looked after some friends’ cats over the holidays. As you can tell they were a might bit suspicious of us on the first day. I could just see this one looking at me thinking, “You just keep your paws off the silverware mate!”

No Chucky but it has potential

I call this the Satanist Doll! I photographed it on one of my walks (wasn’t going to pick it up for love or money!), just lying in the gutter outside a random house. Isn’t it a gruesome looking thing, all nibbled away and bloody like a pack of rats had a go at it?. And why is there a ‘3’ on its chest? Does that mean that somewhere out there is a number 1 and 2? Spooooooooooky!!!

Many Talented

Aah the mysterious and deep side of me you never knew! (But always suspected was there!).

A. Let Swami Jo read your fortune! Will you have good luck? Will you get run over by a rampaging hippo? Will you meet your one true love who will turn out to be a family member? Only Swami Jo knows! Grease my palm with silver (Large cash notes an acceptable substitute) and find out!

B. Feeling bad because you got swindled by some charlatan fortune teller? Let Pure Nun Jo help you with your sufferings and help lead you back to the path of (sort of) righteousness. Lay upon her divine hand the glint of silver (Blessed cash notes an acceptable sacrifice) and she will take all your suffering away. (Maybe...)

eye yiy yiy!

Here is a photo of my eye. I’ve noticed that since cell phones came out everyone seems to get the urge to photograph various bits of their bodies, savoury or otherwise. The most common is the eye. I think people are like, “Look man, it’s like,the window to like, my soul dude” when it really looks more like some sort of poster that should be on an Optometrist’s wall. Take a good stare at this pic because
1. I generally wear glasses which foggy up the view in real life and
2 .by the time you see my eye this up close and personal, I’ve already pressed the button on the mace canister!!

All those hues

Isn’t this pretty? I love all the different colours the leaves go in autumn. It’s weird to think it’s because the leaves are dying and that in death they look a lot more interesting then in life. I took this pic two weeks ago but now the ground is all brown and crunchy and all those leaves have gone. Will I reread this again when it’s Spring?

Jelly Belly

Aren’t jelly fish freaky fish? I wonder what it’s like to go through life without a spine? I must ask our president one day…

It's in the paws

Our current cat. We named her Pandora but, as usual, she ended up being called kitty. She’s a very nice cat though, not as rowdy and crazed as the average kitten though she has her share of mischief. We’re hoping she grows up to be the sort of cat who’ll chase rats and keep them from the cottage. Mind you she seems more the sort to try extend peace treaties and end up with a rat boyfriend on the sly…

Misty eyed

13 May 2010 – After two days of actually seeing the sun (It’s so shiny!), trust Thursday to not only be over cast but with fog as thick as pea soup. (Though since it’s grey and cold it’s more like left over, 3 week old pea soup!) Some people find fog romantic – then again some people wear adult diapers and think they are the reincarnation of Cleopatra… For me it’s just spooky. People and cars materializing and then dematerializing once more, all out to get me! (Well okay maybe not ALL of them…still…) Please let there be sun today!!

Coming for you...

This photo freaks me out every time I see it! Looks like the sort of pic that would come out of a horror movie like “The Ring!!” The black and white makes It look all the more creepy. And doesn’t the cat look a little too knowing?

Back pain?

This was the one tattoo that hurt! From start to finish. This pic is just after the ink had been done and you can sort of just maybe see just what my back thought of all of this by the lovely, mottled swelling and bruising! This picture would be next to the dictionary definition of TENDER!!



6 hours later and it’s finally done! The sad sicko part is that I’d do it all again if I had to! (Lordy please don’t let me ever have to!!!)

Fin with me

No, this isn’t a prop for the next ET movie, (ET phone Rehab) but is in fact a dried shark corpse used at the Durbs aquarium, ostentatiously to tell people about the creatures but mostly I suspect to freak them out. What you see here are it’s nostrils, not eyes, and it’s mouth. Doesn’t it look iffy? And doesn’t it make you, deep down inside, wonder … what does dried shark biltong taste like?

Go Eggwardo!!

This is Eggwardo! He was brought with Ursh and Martin for diving on their second alone dive! (Because who doesn’t dive with a raw egg in their pocket?) Actually they were planning on cracking him underwater and watching the pressures effect on the yolk and innards. Seems a shame to MURDER such an innocent face, doesn’t it?



Eggwardo! You survived!?! Yip, Ursh and Martin were so busy enjoying their dive they completely forgot to crack open our hero! TADA, the first egg to complete a successful dive! He’s ready to go again!



Oh dear, they didn’t forget the second time around! I hear at least it was quick and that he didn’t suffer too much! I hear his insides also behaved in a pleasing manner beneath the water so I guess if you have to, then at least go out entertaininly?

Heads up!

I have to admit, though I love hamsters dearly, they are not the smartest of critters ever. This little fellow was hell-bent on gnawing her way to freedom! So much so that she’d stick her head out of the large hole in the cage and continue chewing on the bars with determination. Well if nothing else you can say that she definitely has a really fine Work Ethic!

Wearing a teddy?

Ursh bought me this Care Bear. Its name was “work of heart” and I thought it one of the most pretty bears I’d ever seen, but I’m sad to say that I never really got to play with it much.

First it fell down the side of my bed and basically got ignored. Falling down the side of the bed is akin to committing snuggle suicide as I’m forever forgetting to go and check what has leapt down there. I meant to, I just … didn’t.

Then one of our cats got a-hold of it and made it her Arch Nemesis! I swear there was nowhere I could hide it without her finding it and chewing on it’s legs, ears and face with unholy joy! It ended up with a bunch of holes, honorable war wounds, I planned on sewing up.
I meant to, I just….didn’t.

It then fell down the side of Ursh’s bed (It wasn’t very a very original teddy was it?) and then got lost when we were painting and tiling.
By the time we found it again it was far, far beyond saving. Most of it was still there, caked in dust, grout and funny unidentified sticky stuff. (What is it with unidentified sticky stuff? Where does it come from and why does it only ever occur on things you like?)
It was with great sadness that we had to admit that nothing would bring it back this time, and it was ‘not so honorably’ tossed in the trash.

So of course now that it’s gone I miss it. I’ve never been able to find another one like it. (Not that one would particularly want to come here if it heard about the life of it’s predecessor)
Still, it makes you sort of remember to appreciate what you do have and not take it for granted.
I think I need a cuddle now… 

Legging it

Okay so when I paint I tend to get a little carried away. Usually I’m wearing (Ursh’s) pants and happily wipe my brushes on those, but when you wear shorts… well you use whatever you can.
And yes, yes, if this is how my leg ended up looking, you can only imagine how my (Ursh’s) clothing usually ends up, mottled and colourful! (I think they look rather nifty myself, but I think the fact we don’t live in a Hippy Commune may be why they’re not looked at with love by everyone else?)

It’s just; you’re in the middle of creating! Who wants to get up and get a cloth to wipe your brush with?

Besides when I do have a cloth it never seems to get all the paint off exactly. Clothing on the other hand just seems to suck it all up, especially if I’m working with fabric paint! (And especially if the pants happen to be a very light, impossible to clean, colour.)

Ursh has now outlawed me from using any of her clothing.
Unartistic (rational) people just don’t understand….

Setting the moo-d

This was the interesting, not so little, ceramic cow on our table at the Crazy Daisy café in Heidelberg. I always wonder who was messing with clay and while shaping it thought, hey, wouldn’t it be cool if I made a ton of cutlery holding cows for the general public? Cause that’s exactly what everyone needs to have!

Ours had an ear and a horn broken off, showing that the life of a tacky table ornament is not without its dangers!
I’m wondering if that white thing on it’s lip was meant as an unpainted tongue or perhaps just a really large boil that needs seeing to?

Still the place was a lovely spot to go for a meal; they had interesting things on the menu and a wide variety of ‘take-a-second-look’ milkshakes just dying to be tried. So if you’re up for it, promise to order the blueberry cheesecake milkshake and own a GPS so we can find it again, I’d happily go back there with you!

p.s. Shall we steal a table cow? Suddenly I have this feeling like I really need to have one!